Creating a Home That Reflects Who You’re Becoming

There comes a point in life when you look around your home and realize it no longer fits—not because of the house itself—but because you have changed.

Our lives are constantly changing. And because we’re so busy living them, we move through seasons sometimes without even noticing them.

There were the years of little ones, then the busy stretch of adolescence, followed by college drop-offs and returns home. Some of you may be in that season right now. For others, that time has already passed, and your children are already grown, living in homes of their own, with their own young families.

And yet, when we look around us, we are still surrounded by all the things that our home once revolved around.

Do your current surroundings still speak to those former seasons?

If your home feels slightly out of step with your current season, let this be an invitation to begin to get a new vision.

Begin by Acknowledging the Shift


Before you change anything outwardly, it helps to acknowledge what has already changed inwardly. You may not have words for it yet, but you likely feel it:

• A desire for more peace and less chaos

  
  

• A need for more quiet and less noise
  
  

• A pull toward beauty—not the superficial kind that seeks to impress others, but one that soothes your nervous system and inspires you

  
  

• A longing for space—to pursue what matters to you in this new season
  
  

When our children became teenagers, we naturally let go of what no longer fit them. Toys were donated. Clothes were passed along. Often, we even redecorated their rooms to make space for who they were becoming.

Somewhere along the way, though, we forgot to extend that same grace to ourselves.

This is not about reinvention or redecorating, per se. It is about our homes coming into greater alignment with who we are in this season of our lives.

Release What No Longer Serves This Season

There is often an unspoken frustration or discomfort when a home no longer fits—a feeling like putting on a favorite sweater that accidentally went through the dryer and is now too small. Nothing is “wrong” with it. It simply no longer fits.

For me, having raised four children, our home was always brimming—books, videos, CDs (yes, the days before streaming), athletic equipment, camping gear, craft supplies, games, toys in every corner, and bins and bins of memorabilia. Our home reflected a full, busy, meaningful life.

But when I chose to downsize after my children had homes of their own, I was forced to let go of more than material objects.

I realized I was holding onto not only precious memories and a season I treasured—but also my identity. Letting go felt hard because it meant releasing who I had been while raising my children.

But just as we made space for who our children were becoming, we must give ourselves that same space.

And please keep in mind, letting go is not erasing the past. If done thoughtfully, it enables us to honor it even more—without letting it dictate our present.

Create Spaces That Support You

So as not to get overwhelmed, choose one room (or corner of a room) that you really want to transform.

Before you start looking around your room to see what you could change in that space, I want you to pause and do something essential.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. From that grounded place, begin to answer these questions to clarify your vision.

Ask yourself:

• Who do I want to be in this space?

  
  

• How do I imagine myself here—reading by the fire, writing quietly, sharing meals, creating, resting?

  
  

• What is this version of you wearing? What music is she listening to? What scent is she smelling? Is she alone or with someone she loves?

Once the vision is clear, follow these steps to slowly transform the space, inspired by Shira Gill, author of Minimalista: Your Step-by-Step Guide to a Better Home, Wardrobe, and Life.

• Envision the purpose of the space

  
  

• Declutter what doesn’t align with that vision

  
  

• Elevate the space by carefully choosing what you add

  
  

• Establish rituals for how you’ll use it
  
  
  

Let Beauty Be Restorative, Not Performative

There is a difference between seeking beauty to impress others and choosing it as a way to inspire you and restore your spirit.

Perhaps you want to be a woman who writes—journals, letters, cards to loved ones. If so, create a writing corner. Add a lamp with soft light. Choose beautiful writing supplies you love (my favorites are from Rifle Paper Co. and Papier). Place a framed photo or an orchid nearby.

Then, establish rituals within that space. Maybe it’s early morning with coffee. A candle lit. Instrumental music playing softly. Cultivating rituals such as these within your space allows it to become not just beautiful, but meaningful.

A supportive home allows beauty to be lived with, rather than simply for show.

Honor the Woman You Are Becoming

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, as if you have no idea where to start – start small. With a room. Or even a drawer. Decide how much time you can invest per day (or week), and schedule those on your calendar.

Then watch as, slowly, the days and weeks unfold, and your home becomes something that inspires you and brings you joy. And even more importantly, it supports the woman you are becoming.

If you’d like help beginning this process with clarity and calm, I’ve created a free, guided journal to help walk you through it. It offers you 14 pages of reflective prompts and space to write. This can help you decide what no longer serves you, and clarify what you want for this new season.

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